Chute Yeah Read online

  Text copyright ©2020 Lani Lynn Vale

  All Rights Reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  One day I’m going to get to the point where I know what to put here. I’m not there yet, though. Happy Mother’s Day.

  If it’s not Mother’s Day when you’re reading this, it was here when I wrote this particular dedication, so that still counts, right?

  Acknowledgments

  Chase Ketron - Model

  Golden Czermak - Photographer

  Ellie McLove - My Brother’s Editor & Ink It Out Editing- My editors

  Cover Me Darling - Cover Artist

  My mom - Thank you for reading this book eight million two hundred times.

  Kendra, Diane, Sarah, Kathy, Penney, Mindy, Barbara & Amanda—I don’t know what I would do without y’all. Thank you, my lovely betas, for loving my books as much as I do.

  Other titles by Lani Lynn Vale:

  The Freebirds

  Boomtown

  Highway Don’t Care

  Another One Bites the Dust

  Last Day of My Life

  Texas Tornado

  I Don’t Dance

  The Heroes of The Dixie Wardens MC

  Lights To My Siren

  Halligan To My Axe

  Kevlar To My Vest

  Keys To My Cuffs

  Life To My Flight

  Charge To My Line

  Counter To My Intelligence

  Right To My Wrong

  Code 11- KPD SWAT

  Center Mass

  Double Tap

  Bang Switch

  Execution Style

  Charlie Foxtrot

  Kill Shot

  Coup De Grace

  The Uncertain Saints

  Whiskey Neat

  Jack & Coke

  Vodka On The Rocks

  Bad Apple

  Dirty Mother

  Rusty Nail

  The Kilgore Fire Series

  Shock Advised

  Flash Point

  Oxygen Deprived

  Controlled Burn

  Put Out

  I Like Big Dragons Series

  I Like Big Dragons and I Cannot Lie

  Dragons Need Love, Too

  Oh, My Dragon

  The Dixie Warden Rejects

  Beard Mode

  Fear the Beard

  Son of a Beard

  I’m Only Here for the Beard

  The Beard Made Me Do It

  Beard Up

  For the Love of Beard

  Law & Beard

  There’s No Crying in Baseball

  Pitch Please

  Quit Your Pitchin’

  Listen, Pitch

  The Hail Raisers

  Hail No

  Go to Hail

  Burn in Hail

  What the Hail

  The Hail You Say

  Hail Mary

  The Simple Man Series

  Kinda Don’t Care

  Maybe Don’t Wanna

  Get You Some

  Ain’t Doin’ It

  Too Bad So Sad

  Bear Bottom Guardians MC

  Mess Me Up

  Talkin’ Trash

  How About No

  My Bad

  One Chance, Fancy

  It Happens

  Castiel and Turner

  Snitches Get Stitches

  F-Bomb

  KPD Motorcycle Patrol

  Hide Your Crazy

  It Wasn’t Me

  I’d Rather Not

  Make Me

  Sinners are Winners

  If You Say So

  SWAT 2.0

  Just Kidding

  Fries Before Guys

  Maybe Swearing Will Help

  Ask Me If I Care (4-14-20)

  May Contain Wine (5-12-20)

  Jokes on You (6-9-20)

  Join the Club (7-14-20)

  Any Day Now (8-11-20)

  Say it Ain’t So (9-8-20)

  Officially Over It (10-13-20)

  Nobody Knows (11-3-20)

  Depends Who’s Asking (12-8-20)

  Valentine Boys (early 2020)

  Herd That

  Crazy Heifer

  Chute Yeah

  Get Bucked

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Part I

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Part II

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  What’s Next?

  What Else is Next?

  Blurb

  Candy Ray Sunshine’s—yes, that is my real name, thank you very much, Mom and Dad—knew two things.

  One, she was going to work her butt off and open her very own coffee shop, even if she had to die doing it.

  Two, Banks Valentine was the world’s worst ex-boyfriend in the history of ex-boyfriends. Even if they were only boyfriend and girlfriend for one evening. She wouldn’t sneeze on him even if he was on fire.

  ***

  Banks Valentine also knew two things.

  One, he was an immature jerk when he was in high school, and Candy Ray Sunshine probably could open a coffee shop if she put her mind to it. But he still thinks that she should shoot a little higher, anything that gets her the heck out of Kilgore, Texas.

  Two, he likes riding bulls. It’s a dangerous job, and when he gets on the back of one of those thousand-pound death machines, he can finally feel his head clear enough that he can think.

  ***

  Candy and Banks would never get along. Not after what he said, and definitely not after what she did.

  Then again, neither one of them expected that night to happen, either—the night that both of them refused to talk about the next morning.

  Part I

  Chapter 1

  Have you ever put two and two together and come up with fifteen reasons to smack a motherfucker?

  -Banks to Callum

  Banks

  Fifteen years ago

  “Come on, let’s do it,” I said as I humped the massive thing into the hallway of the school.

  It was eerie being here after hours.

  Honestly, if I hadn’t been so pissed off at my big brother, I probably wouldn’t be doing this right now.

  But Ace had said that I wasn’t allowed to pull off a senior prank since I wasn’t a senior, and shit had gone downhill from there.

  Which was how it led me to now, standing in the middle of the senior hallway at school, with a three-foot-tall, two foot in diameter, massive dildo. It was even skin-colored, paired with quite a few veins, as well as the biggest pair of balls that I’d ever seen.

  “You got the lube?” I asked Callum.

 
; He rolled his eyes and produced about four bottles from his pants pocket.

  “Excellent,” I said, unearthing the massive dong from my box. “Spencer, you got the glue?”

  Spencer held up the glue. It was super, super glue. Or so I was told. I asked the guy at the hardware store what would be the best thing to stick silicone to tiles, and he’d pointed me in the direction of that particular type of glue.

  So, it was my hope that the glue wouldn’t be coming off very easily. They’d have to chop the dick apart before they could unglue it. Or so I hoped.

  I didn’t want to make it easy for them.

  What would be the fun in that?

  “Let’s do this.” I turned the dildo up and gestured to the rather large suction cup at the bottom.

  “Do you think that someone would actually use this for what it’s intended for?” Callum asked.

  I looked at my younger brother and shrugged. “Who knows?” I said. “I’m sure there has to be a need for it. According to Amazon, it’s the number one best-selling dildo in ‘big dildos collections.’”

  Spencer snorted and twisted the lid off the tube of glue, then squirted the entire thing onto it, using the tube itself to spread it in.

  Once done, he tossed the glue into the trash can at the end of the hall and came back.

  I looked for the best place to put it.

  “Right there.” Callum pointed. “In the middle of the hallway. Right in the middle of the ‘G’.”

  I walked to where he pointed and agreed. It was the perfect spot.

  The first thing anybody would see as they entered the senior hallway was the dildo on the floor.

  Five minutes later it was stuck to the floor and Callum and I were lubing it up.

  “This is gonna be hilarious,” I declared once we were done. “Let’s go wash our hands and go.”

  Or we would have had the bathroom doors not been locked.

  “Well shit,” I said as I looked at my hands, then at the pole we would have to climb to get out of the school. “This is going to be fun.”

  ***

  The next day at school was nerve wracking. After thirty minutes of stacking shit to help us get out, we’d made it home just in time to help with chores and turn around and go back to school. Luckily, I was able to grab a shower first.

  I was fairly sure I had lube in places there shouldn’t be lube.

  The first thing I saw as I got to the school was the crowd.

  They hadn’t even made it inside yet seeing as the seniors had managed to pull off their prank yesterday, too.

  They’d put a cow—a live one at that—on top of the gym. Fortunately, they’d corralled the beast, because I could see the animal walking straight off the side of the building.

  “The bell has rung!” Principal Matthews called out. “Get inside!”

  My brother rolled his eyes at his fellow seniors’ prank.

  “Amateurs.” He snorted as he elbowed me. “What’d you do last night that had you out so late?”

  The tardy bell rang and everybody started to run. It seemed like the entire school was outside staring at the cow, even the teachers.

  That was why everyone was in school and in their classes by the time Principal Matthews came over the loudspeaker and announced the school was in lockdown.

  “And to whoever decided to glue the massive dil… eeeeep, sex toy—whatever—to the tile in the middle of the senior hallway, we will find you,” Principle Matthews declared.

  Callum and I exchanged looks, but neither one of us were worried.

  In fact, there was no way in hell they’d know it was us.

  ***

  Okay, so they somehow found out it was us.

  Well, they’d narrowed it down to about ten students, three of which had actually done it.

  How they’d narrowed it down, I didn’t know. But they did, leaving us all sitting in the middle of the senior hallway as Principal Matthews stared at us with annoyance written all over his face.

  “Who did this?” Matthews asked for the fourth time.

  Nobody answered.

  “If you do not answer, I’ll be forced to call your parents and make sure they realize that you were involved in a prank that’s going to cost us about five hundred dollars to fix.”

  Behind Matthews, two custodians tried in vain to get the dildo off the tile. At first they’d likely just tried to grab it. Now they had a massive crowbar through the middle of the cock, making it appear to have a piercing, as they tugged on it in vain.

  One custodian, the dick that liked to report when kids were sneaking around in the hallways when they should be in class, slipped and fell on his ass.

  I didn’t laugh, but it was a close thing.

  Served the fucker right. He was the reason Spencer, Callum, and I had a chance to come up with this prank in the first place.

  “Shit,” Lorvall muttered as he picked himself off the ground. “Stupid fucking kids.”

  Matthews cleared his throat in reproach.

  “Sorry,” Lorvall muttered again. “Not coming up. We’re going to have to break the tile.”

  Matthews growled.

  “I’m about three seconds away from calling parents,” Matthews declared.

  That was when I saw Candy, who’d been in detention with us as we’d come up with this master plan, shift and open her mouth.

  I couldn’t help what I did next. I threw her ass straight under the bus.

  I didn’t feel bad about it either. Not until much, much later.

  “That wasn’t me,” I said, shrugging. “It was her.”

  I pointed at Candy Ray Sunshine.

  In hindsight, I shouldn’t have done it.

  I’d, of course, considered what was going to happen the moment that I said it. My friends would all back me up, and the blame would go from me to Candy.

  Candy, the goth girl in class that did her best to become part of the wall, gasped in outrage. “I most certainly did not!”

  “She totally did,” my best friend, Spencer Morris, said.

  “She did. I saw her.”

  Chapter 2

  I’m having one of those days where I’m holding a stick and everyone looks like a piñata.

  -Candy’s secret thoughts

  Candy

  I glared at Banks and wished that my glare could produce something other than just a glare. Fire. Death rays. Something, anything really.

  God, I hated Banks Valentine. With a passion, really.

  It’d been two weeks since the ‘incident.’ Two weeks since having to tell my parents that I owed five hundred bucks to the school for something that I didn’t do.

  Not that my parents cared.

  Honestly, they were happy.

  I’d, apparently, ‘put forth the effort’ and they were happy that I’d tried to ‘fit in.’

  I hadn’t tried to do shit, but if it got them off of my case for a while, I’d take it.

  That didn’t mean that I forgave Banks goddamn Valentine, though.

  I seriously wanted to pick up my textbook and knock him straight over the head with it.

  I halfway wanted to do it just to see what he would do.

  Though, detention wasn’t my favorite place to be.

  And, honestly, I wasn’t sure that I’d just get detention. My luck, I’d probably get suspended and have to spend even more time with my parents than I already did.

  “Ms. Sunshine,” I heard the teacher call. “Can you answer the question?”

  I turned to Mr. Feeny and smiled.

  “I’m sorry, what was your question again?” I asked sweetly.

  Not sweetly enough, because he scowled at me for not paying attention.

  “I asked if you would like to come up here and solve the equation,” he repeated.

  I shrugged and got up, walking carefully to the front of the room, being damn sure not to touch Banks Valentine who had his goddamn leg and ha
lf his body in the aisle.

  I picked up the marker and started to solve the equation on the board, not stopping until I had it neatly wrapped up at the bottom of the board.

  I handed the marker back to him and tried not to look smug.

  Math was my thing.

  However, science wasn’t.

  Which was where I was headed after this particular class. A class which Banks also shared with me.

  Where Banks would shine, and I wouldn’t.

  “Very good,” Mr. Feeny said.

  Mr. Feeny was much like the Mr. Feeney on an old television show I used to watch. He was wise, old, and always treated every student he had with kindness.

  However, he was also very calculating and intimidating when he wanted to be.

  Which was why, when Banks tried to trip me on the way back to my seat, Mr. Feeny called him up to solve the next question.

  I almost smirked at the damn boy-man as I glared.

  His stupid tight Wranglers and even tighter black t-shirt were stupid… and hot.

  I hated him for it, too.

  People that hot shouldn’t be so mean.

  At least, in my opinion they shouldn’t.

  “Mr. Valentine, today,” Mr. Feeny ordered.

  Banks’ friends started to snicker, knowing that Banks sucked at math.

  I would’ve smiled, too, had he not looked absolutely terrified to go up there.

  “Actually, Mr. Feeny,” I said, taking pity on Banks. “We already did that one today. You have the answer right there on the other side of the room.”

  The room itself was set up college style with the front walls covered in dry erase boards. We’d taken over an old lecture room for the time being since our room had black mold in the walls.

  We really had solved that problem already.

  Or I had.

  Yesterday.

  Because I was the only one who would voluntarily get up and solve any of the equations in front of the class.

  Mr. Feeny turned to survey the problem he’d been about to have Banks solve, and I saw Banks flash to the answer.

  I saw the wheels turning in his head as he stared at the problem.

  Feeny erased the problem, then gestured for Banks to come up and solve that one anyway.

  Banks had enough time, though.

  See, Banks had a picture-perfect memory. He could see something once and memorize it, and never have to look at it again.